Weight(y) Matters

I'm sitting here watching "The Biggest Loser" and resisting the urge to get a snack. What is it about this show that gives me the munchies? Some people look at the contestants and wonder how the hell they got that big... I look at them and think how easy it would be to get that big.

I have been heavy for most of my life. In the 5th grade, the pediatrician told me it was bad enough I wore glasses, but I'd never get a boyfriend if I was fat. I weighed 96 pounds. By my senior year in high school, I had another 100 pounds on my 5' 6" frame. At age 30, another 30 to 40 (or 50) were piled on. I had lots of excuses - I come from an overweight family, I worked two (or three) jobs and had no time, I wasn't athletic... I spent a lot of time and money on diets, and would lose 20 or 30 pounds and then gain it (and another 5) back within a year. But I was happy (if not healthy) and I always had boyfriends and a big group of friends that I went out with, so I accepted that I was always going to be the chubby girl.

Something changed around my 30th birthday. I looked at the women in my family and their health issues that were related to being overweight, and I didn't want that. I was tired of buying my clothes in the "big girl" stores. I was tired of being tired. I started looking at my diet and eating more whole foods, I stopped eating meat (I was never a big carnivore) and I started walking. Then one day I ran a few steps, and then a few more, and then a mile... I started getting fit, and feeling better. I joined a dojo and began studying tang soo do. I signed up for, trained for, and ran a half marathon. I enjoyed being fit and healthy.

Then came love, marriage and the baby carriage. Two carriages, in fact, in two years, with one baby who didn't sleep through the night for her first year, and not consistently until she was almost 16 months old. Add in a stressful job that involves a lot of travel and long hours, and it was oh so easy to fall back into old habits and patterns. To make excuses. I'm not as heavy as I was 10 years ago, but I need to get back to a healthy, active weight.

I want to be a good example for my kids, especially my daughter. I want them to enjoy physical activity and good food. I don't want them to know the embarrassment of being picked last, or not being able to wear the cute clothes. But most of all I want them to be healthy. And to help make sure that happens, I need to take care of myself.

This was a crap week for me as far as eating and exercising. It's harder to get back on the bandwagon than I thought it would be. The spirit is willing, the body... is tired. And hungry. And stressed. Which makes me more tired and "hungry..."

But I am worth it. And so are those kids. My goal this week: be mindful of what I am eating. And work out at least 3 times - be it on my elliptical, going for a walk outside, or getting my ass down to the gym.